A Querying Nightmare

I participated in Nightmare on Query Street this last week. It was an interesting learning experience, like most contests I've participated in so far. Nightmare is run by Michelle Hauck; you can read more about her and the contests she helps host on her blog here. Basically, Michelle and her co-hosts, Michael Anthony and Laura Heffernan each select 15 entries out of 250 submissions. Entries consist of a query letter and first 250 words of a manuscript. Those 45 chosen entries are mentored by other authors and editors who volunteer their time for a few days, and then the 3 hosts post the shiny new entries on their blogs. Participating literary agents drop by and request pages from entries they like and might consider representing.

Laura selected my entry (which you can read here) and I was over the moon! I've entered a few similar contests over the past year, and being chosen was amazing. In a way, that felt like winning all on its own, because that same MS was passed over for Pitch Wars a few months back. I've worked hard on that story, revising it, restructuring part of the plot with the wonderful Rebecca Petruck, and polishing it up word by word. (Seriously, if you're having plot troubles, take Rebecca's workshop. Her method is simple to apply, but had a profound impact on my story. I never would have pinned down my problem so quickly without her help.) The story I have now is significantly better than what I submitted to PW in July.

So I knew what I had was better, but was it any good?

Apparently it was. And that's a good feeling, y'all.

When my entry went live for agents to see, I discovered something unfortunate. I don't do well with public querying. I can handle Twitter pitching. I can handle querying agents and publishers. But this sort of format was extra stressful for me. I couldn't help but compare how my entry was doing against the other entries in the competition, even though we weren't competing against each other. Watching other entries get requests while mine sat, lonely and ignored, really ate away at my self-confidence. When it reached the point that almost 3/4s of the entries had requests and mine didn't, I'm going to be honest. I cried. I'd worked so hard on my entry with my mentor; we'd made sure every last comma and word were perfect, and entries with grammar errors were getting picked over my poor baby. It hit my confidence hard.

I ended up with one request, which was all I'd hoped for. But that one agent likes what she's read so far. As one of my critique partners put it, it doesn't matter how many "no's" you get; all it takes is that one "yes." I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

But here's what I'm choosing to take out of all this: First, I don't think I'll do any more competitions where you query kind of against others. It's too draining for me. I've made amazing friends, and have met wonderful mentors and authors who are willing to share their knowledge by entering, but I'm going to put my mental health first and avoid that sort of situation.

Second, the fact that I was chosen for Laura's team and had an agent want to read my story and then ask for more is an amazing validation. I'm making progress toward this goal of mine. Someday I'll get there. It's a long road, and it requires a lot of patience, but knowing that I'm getting better will help me hang in there.

Third, the best thing about these competitions really is the people you meet. It's what we all say, but it's true. I've made so many friends who get how dang hard it is to want to be a writer. That's invaluable. My family loves me, and my husband supports me, and he watches how hard I work. They see the external wear and tear, the hours I put in. They can't see the internal strength and growth and labor that becoming a better writer requires. Having friends who get that is important. And I now have a group of friends who'll listen to me when I need to let out a little whine to let off steam or when I get some good news and want to jump for joy. They're my sounding board when I have a crazy idea or a story problem I can't wrap my head around. My online community is full of generous authors who are only a few steps ahead of me on my journey. They remember how hard this part is, and they encourage me; they share their wisdom, their skills, and even their own struggles.

The big point is this. As you query and pitch and enter competitions, you're going to get out of it whatever you choose to. You can sulk, or you can embrace it and grow.